youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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