I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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