Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
