I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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