Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
