I accidentally burped into my bong.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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