The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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