What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
