Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
