I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
