Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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