So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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