I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
