Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't deserve a penis
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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