just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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