omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
