i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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