we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
