check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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