I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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