Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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