i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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