If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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