I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
