Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
