So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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