dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
