tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
