I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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