I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if only i could text you this smell
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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