I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
