I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize