A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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