trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
