xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my liver is dry heaving
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
