This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
