So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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