Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
