I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
