Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
