I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
