Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
