Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
