I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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