Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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