Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
