waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As shirtless as possible
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
