I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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