its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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