Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
