Don't make out with my wife yet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
