is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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