I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
