Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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