just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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