It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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