The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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