i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
