If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
