I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
