did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
