Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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