When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she told me i tasted like america
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Enjoy the penises
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
