You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
