I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Damn victory sex feels great
I think my moral compass just broke
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
