His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
