i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
