I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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