my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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