the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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