you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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