I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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